Dear new neighbors

Dear new neighbors,

Let me be the first to welcome you to the neighborhood! I'm here to fill you in on a few things about this jolly old (and i do mean old)community!

First off the lady down the street, she over decorates for EVERY holiday known to man and some I'm pretty sure she's just made up. She's a big fan of lights so dont stare directly at her house or you might go blind.

The man on the corner, he has a massive remote control car collection that he drives around every night in the summer. If you hear the growl of a motor it's probably him and 20 neighborhood children and not someone chainsawing your tree down.

If you see two yappy Chihuahuas running around they live next door to the man with the cars. Good luck trying to wrangle them up to deliver them home, they'll just get out again in 5 minutes.

Sorry that my house is pitch black even though my husband is home, he doesn't know how to work a light switch. If you hear a scream its probably me, i just broke my leg as I tried to find the door, no worries!

Be aware that the renters' children next to my house like to walk through other people's yards, throw rocks at houses, egg cars, throw random(and most likely dangerous) items in backyards and just be a general nuisance. Just pray with me that they'll be gone soon...and that someone worse doesn't move in.

If you need anything I'm just right across the street so please don't bug me, I have better things to do with my time :). Enjoy yourselves here!

love,
Your dear, sweet, across the street neighbors

P.S. please close your curtains, it's hard to spy on you if you know I'm watching.


This is all in joke, I actually really love my neighborhood and the crazy quirks it has.