Why "Dog Breeder" won't be on my next application

*WARNING - this post is long and full of breeding detail. Also please don't think of me as an abusive owner after this. It doesn't have pictures (didn't think that was appropriate) so I know that makes it harder to get through, sorry. *

Isn't this suppose to be easy? Dogs do this naturally all the time. Getting pregnant with the neighbors mutt puppies without your permission or letting any Tom, Dick or Harry mount them constantly. Come on, Stupid people do this! "My dog's cute, your dog is cute, lets make puppies without health checks or checking backgrounds!"
Then there's me. I think I have become an expert on the subject of breeding. I've bought 6 books, looked at hundreds of websites and asked my co-worker ex-vet tech thousands of questions. I think I know what I'm doing. Too bad Enna didn't do those same things.

We thought all was fine and dandy. John picked Garner up from the airport last Friday, he's sweet and bonded with us quickly. Makoa headed over to my in-laws and we were ready for the lovers to meet. All went to plan, they both thought the other was fabulous and Enna flagged (moved her tall to the side meaning she's ready to be mounted) and he went to it. Then the screech from Hell happened. You would have though she was being mauled by a grizzly bear. Of course Garner stopped once she started biting his face and looked at her like she had two heads. This went on a few more times and we decided that she just wasn't ready. But what else could she be? She was heading into week 2 of her cycle meaning that that's mating time.

Saturday John went to work and I was alone with the dogs, if I could see into the future I probably wouldn't have let them both out together while being by myself, but I was still in La La land about how this is easy.
Garner mounts Enna, she screams but by this time it was too late for him to turn back. I got down on the floor and held her into position like the books say and waited for the tie.
As far as I know only canines tie, meaning that after the mounting and humping the male then is swollen, the female clenches and he's stuck inside her. The male then usually dismounts and turns so that the dogs are rear to rear.This can last anywhere from a fraction of a minute to 20 with 10 minutes being the norm. Also during this time neither dog should move or complications can arise. The male dog is the only mammal that has a bone in his penis, if he is jerked too quickly the bone can break and then all is lost. He can't be put in a sling or cast obviously so a broken bone means no more breeding, I don't know if that means forever or until he heals by himself but I didn't want to go there.
If the female jerks to quickly away from the male he could be pulled out of her, hemorrhage and die. I really don't like the sound of death so I didn't want to head in that direction either.

Garner and Enna tie and Garner starts to dismount. I wasn't holding Enna tight enough and she freaked and started running away. I freak and try to grab her which makes Garner freak so he starts to run away also. The whole time I'm picturing broken bones and death. Finally after the dogs make a huge semi circle I carrel both of them onto the lap while almost yelling, "It's okay! Calm down!" over and over. The tie probably only lasted mere minutes, but it felt like a life time. After they separated I grabbed Enna and hauled ass upstairs. I grabbed my phone, dialed John's number and sobbed into the phone, "I broke him!! I broke him!! We'll have to call Barbara and tell her that her male can never breed again!" (have I ever mentioned that I'm a bit of a drama queen?)
After John got me to calm down and explain what happened he asked how the dogs were. Was Garner sheathed (did his penis go back inside him), was Enna bleeding or look in pain. No. Well they're probably fine.
He couldn't come home from work and I needed to calm down, everything would be fine.

Everything was not fine. I was convinced that we broke Barbara's dog and Enna was going to bleed to death. For the two hours I waited for John I text him over and over saying things like, "Why did we agree to this?" "I never want to do that again!" "This is too hard!"
By the time John got home I had calmed down but I didn't want to do any breeding for the rest of the day (or ever), I was too scarred. John told me repeatedly that we would have to try again even if I didn't want to because we had to make sure Enna got pregnant.

Sunday came and I tried to prolong the inevitable, keeping Enna locked up with me in the computer room. Soon Garner climbed the baby gate and I had no choice.
Because of Enna's screeching and face biting we had to hold her in place. This is where I don't want you to think bad of me. There was no other way this would happen (I did think of AI over and over, but it's too pricey) and the books say that's the way to do it.
John holds under her front legs and I hold her head trying to keep her calm. Everything is fine until he starts to penetrate. That's when she starts screaming. After the screaming comes whimpering and her looking up at me with the saddest blue eyes imaginable as if saying, "why are you doing this to me, you monster!" Breaks my heart.
Luckily ties don't last long, but on the other hand ties are needed for the sperm to travel so I worry that she's not getting pregnant.

If we've timed her heat cycle right then Sunday, yesterday and today are the days she's ovulating. Truthfully we could be far off, but dogs are hard to judge without getting expensive testing done so we wanted them to breed a few times to make sure that she got pregnant.
I dread the time when John says it's time. I crawl off the couch to kneel on the floor while he goes to get Enna, my stomach in twisting knots the whole time. We let the dogs jump on each other and run around for a few minutes until John grabs Enna signaling that it's time to start. I try not to be nervous since Enna can feel my fear and calmly tell her how good she's doing and that everything is okay. It doesn't help, she eventually screams and I try not to cry.
I keep telling myself we're almost done, but really I don't know. We have to keep going until one of the dogs decides the other isn't interesting anymore and won't mount/allow the mounting.

This is suppose to be the easy part, I'm not suppose to be getting stomach ulcers until the labor starts. Now I have more to stress about.
Is she pregnant? I won't know until 25 days later, that's the first time the vet can tell if pups are growing inside her.
Are the pups going to come smoothly? Is Enna going to be a good mom or decide she doesn't want a thing to do with the puppies after they're born?
Are they going to be born normal?
Can I keep them alive until they're out of the scary first days?
Can I find them good homes?

John wants to do this again, but he never worries. I on the other hand am a solid HELL NO. John says I'll want to once I see the sweet puppies, I say that I'll remember all this mess it took to get there and not change my mind. If we do do this again, it is completely against my will.

p.s. I never mentioned the after math of a tie. Enna becomes a mad women yelping, shrieking and barking while she squirms wildly in my arms. I don't know if she's trying to get away while I carry her up to her crate and just bewildered that we'd let such an awful thing happen to her. She then carries on in her crate for at least half an hour making the world believe that she is indeed dying.